May 24, 2010

My very good friend and dear sister once texted me that she admires the mission of our sexuality-based support group because “knowing yourself and accepting yourself is one of the greatest battles you can engage.”

The declaration itself wasn’t so profound; it’s more of a truism whose impact tends to get lost in overuse. What struck me, however, was the word “engage.” The active verb breathing energy into the more passive verbs “know” and “accept.” I hadn’t thought about self-awareness in that context in quite some time. And as resistant as I have become to making binary observations, one begins to emerge; specifically, the difference between those who are engaged, and those who are not.

There are women looking for reasons to stay the way they are, even though they’re unhappy, unfulfilled, and conflicted. They embrace dogma diametrically opposed to self-actualization and empowerment. They keep unguarded company with those who mean them no good. They rarely, if ever, develop an independent thought. They’re highly susceptible to fear-mongering, and often perpetrators of it themselves. The result is stagnation…arrested development. And as these women advance in age, the convenient excuse of youthful folly fades.

And then there are those of us who strive to be better women than we were the year before. Life doesn’t happen to us, we make life happen. We recognize and break destructive patterns. We resist the urge to enable toxic associations. We reject the assignment of community mule. We challenge long-held beliefs and develop our own opinions and philosophies, not based on how it’s always been, but how it could be…

…how it could be better.

And sexuality is only one part of it.

So, on which side do you fall? Are you engaged or drifting?

One Response to Engaged

  1. Tabitha on June 9, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    I think the most important thing you touched on is stagnation. I don’t understand people who had lack the desire or courage to change things in their life. Yet, they seem content in complaining about everything wrong in their life. I had to make the conscious step to remove these type of people from my life because they were only bringing me down. Any suggestions I would make to change whatever dire circumstances was met with “Yeah, but I don’t know”. I have encountered too many people who lack ambition, that ambition its self has become one of the more attractive qualities a person can have.

    I would like to believe I am actively engaged in life. While I do try to enjoy every stage of my life, I also try to make myself better. That means dealing with my faults head on. As I am engaging and growing in life hopefully by simply trying to pursue and live my truth it can make someone else life better. Miki, the light that shines from you is so strong that it help liberate others to live their own truth.

    I am off to make life happen and continue to discover how it can be better…

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